So here we are. We are 12 days “post-visit.” Even though Brenna got here on the 9th, I’m counting all of the days that are after when she would have gone back to school. We’re here, all five of us, together. And though keeping her without sending her back to handle her discharge properly has definitely resulted in hiccups, I’m still glad that we didn’t put her on that plane. Her IEP can’t be held until at least July 21, which would have meant at least a month back at her school, and I think the wait would have been unbearable for everyone. Having seen it both ways now - the long, anxiety-ridden countdown versus the, “Surprise! You’re not home for a visit, you’re home for good!” I can tell you that I like the latter much better, even if it doesn’t mesh with the process. There are issues with medication gaps, which is not a good thing, but we are trying to patch her together with old meds and were even able to get her into see her dr. on Monday, three days earlier than her original appointment. There are issues with therapeutic gaps - she can’t have a new therapist until after the IEP. There are definitely issues with the boredom factor of summer - going from a highly structured environment to the long, free-flowing days of summer vacation is tough. And there are issues with a sister who hasn’t resolved her own situation and is definitely acting out against the changes. But we are working with the issues - it’s not by any means easy, but we aren’t brought to our knees, we aren’t held hostage to them, we are doing our best to work with them.
Last weekend was a busy one. I had a Girl Scout task force meeting about an hour from home on Saturday morning, and then came back in the afternoon so we could attend the family picnic of what will hopefully be Kieran’s new school. The best part of that picnic was that Brenna and Ailish made a new friend, which was so great to see. It’s been tough because both girls are kind of lost this summer without a social network. Both are starting at brand new schools (and we won’t even know what school it will be for Brenna for another few weeks) without any friends at all, and both of them are without any ties to friends. Brenna has one friend, a daughter of one of my friends, that she has been texting regularly, and hopefully they will be able to get together soon. For Ailish, she has been texting one of her new Girl Scout friends, but I think it’s a tough age to start fresh with friendships for both of them. I know it has been especially painful for Ailish to try to understand why her old friends have drifted, but we try to focus on the future. I just hope that both of them make good choices, and don’t make bad decisions in the name of making or keeping new friends. I know from personal experience that junior high can be a very dangerous time to try to fit in socially, so I’m holding my breath on that one.
I took the cloudy day opportunity to shoot a few pics of the girls.
Unfortunately, I spent Father’s Day in bed for the most part. I got up and made Brad Cafe con Leche, which was one of his presents. We haven’t had it since we got back from Miami in January, but I found one of the espresso pots and the authentic espresso at our market, so I decided to surprise him with it.
I made funnel cakes for breakfast too, so he had a nice morning, but I was too sick for us to have the steak dinner we had planned. He ran to In n Out so everyone could have burgers, which did make me feel bad, but I didn’t realize that was just the tip of the iceberg with my illness. By the next morning, I couldn’t swallow or speak at all, so I dropped Kieran off at Jr. Lifeguards and then drove to Urgent Care. It took several hours, but when the doctor looked in my throat, he took a step back, and said, “Have you looked at that thing?!” Um, no... apparently one whole side was quite, um, infected. He gave me the strep diagnosis and sent me on my way with an antibiotic prescription. I picked up the medications and crawled back into bed. I was thinking it would only take a day for the meds to kick in, but honestly, I did not feel 100% until Thursday. I still have a lingering feeling that there’s something in the back of my throat, but I’m not looking!
Unfortunately, even though I was sick for most of the week, I still needed to get kids to their places. Kieran had Jr. Lifeguards every morning bright and early, and then I had signed Brenna and Ailish up for swim lessons during the same time that Kieran practices, so that they would have something to do. Any other week, this would have been a great idea, but I would have gladly skipped Kieran’s practice while I was under the weather. No such luck! It was probably all for the best - it made sure that Kieran got her practicing in too, even though she was exhausted. Being in the sun for five hours - kayaking, calisthenics, open water swimming, and rescue drills - and then swimming for an hour straight is pretty tough on a 9-year-old. I keep telling her she doesn’t have to be in front, just stay in the flow of things, but she is so competitive, it’s hard for her to hang back. She loves Jr. Guards, so I know she doesn’t want to take away from that, and yet she wants to swim too. We only have two more weeks of Jr. Guards, so hopefully after that, the afternoon swim won’t be such a struggle.
It’s been interesting watching her with Brenna and Ailish swimming. At first, she was really mad at me for asking them if they wanted lessons. I know I have previously held the conviction that everyone should have their own separate place to shine, but it’s summer, and I’m getting desperate! I thought maybe if they wanted to just learn the strokes, at least they’d have something to look forward to each day and I wouldn’t have to drive all over town. I told both of them that I didn’t expect a commitment of swim team from them at all, this was for fun, and if they really liked it, we’d see. Kieran was quite angry with me, but once she got out of practice that day, she said she’d thought about it, and it was okay, and if I wanted to, I could take the money back and she’d teach them herself at home, which I thought was really sweet. A couple of times this week, they’ve made it to the pool and she’s given them tips on breast stroke and diving. It’s so amazing to see the difference a year has made for her. While they make their awkward attempts, I remind her of where she started. Thankfully I have the video to prove it :) I don’t know if either of the girls will want to pursue it, and if they don’t, that’s really okay. If they do, that will be wonderful too! I just want to keep them occupied, and as long as they’re having fun, it’s a good thing.
One thing I did do for Brenna this week was to pick up her phone. This was pretty huge - she hadn’t asked about it, but I knew the expectation would be for us to get her a phone, and I totally understood that, it was just a matter of making the time. I decided to go on my own to get it, to keep her from looking at the fancy phones too lovingly. I have told all three girls that they get the cheap phone, and if they choose to get a more fancy one, it will be on their own dime. Brenna was thrilled when I brought it home, and has been happily texting ever since.
Friday, Brad worked from home, so Brenna and I went out to run several errands. I am still slowly trying to build her nearly non-existent wardrobe, and do it in the most cost effective way possible, so we went to several stores in search of things that might fit. She’s in that awkward place, between three different sizes, and there’s no way to know if it will fit until we get it on. Not to mention, her definition of “fit” is very different from mine! Still, it worked out well to keep her busy, keep her separate from her sisters for a bit. As the days without her regular meds have worn on, she has had less and less patience for them, so we’ve been doing what we can to not tax her too much.
We are still in the process of physically settling in. I was hoping we could get a bed for Brenna this weekend, but it just didn’t happen. She’s been on the blow up mattress in Kieran’s room (otherwise known as the aqua room) since she got here, but we have plans to move her and Kieran into the pink room and moving Ailish into the aqua room. The bunk bed is already in the pink room, we just need the second mattress to make it all happen. But this was another busy weekend. Sandy and Mark had a 25th anniversary party on Saturday afternoon, and I had offered to do a photo board for them. Since I was sick for so much of the week, I didn’t get started on it until Saturday morning - that’s when I discovered my printer was having a moment. A break down kind of moment. I raced to Staples to get a new one and get the pictures copied in time to make the board. I finished with moments to spare, and we all rushed out the door to get over there in time. We had a great time, and I had one more divine lemon cupcake from Sugar Mama’s :) (and okay, yes, I sampled the red velvet and the chocolate banana one!)
This morning, I had another Girl Scout task force meeting an hour away. Brenna had been busy working on chores so that she could go to the movies with her friend this afternoon, and was so happy that she had earned enough money, but the plans had to be postponed until tomorrow. Even though it was just a change of one day, it was a tough blow for her, and just seeing her reaction to that made me realize how tricky this is all going to be. Partly, it’s the medication situation - even though I have her on the same types of medications, they aren’t truly the same, and her everyday school life is going to be fraught with these kinds of changes in plans. I encouraged her to take space from everyone, gather herself together, and when she stopped crying, I asked if she wanted to run an errand with me. She gladly accepted. She is still every bit my nonstop kid - from the time she was a baby, she had to be on the go. Lazy summer days do not sit well with her. It did make me a bit more nervous about how “real life” will look once school starts, but it’s unfair right now when she’s out of sorts medically, and I am going to try to stop predicting and go back to my day job of being a mom.
Tomorrow should be better - she’ll see her psychiatrist, she’ll have her medications back, and she sees the pediatrician too, so there should be enough activity in the day to make her happy. I’m just hoping it doesn’t take long for everything to kick back in and balance out for her.
Ailish has been up and down all week. At times she can be really helpful and really agreeable to changes in schedule, to disappointments, even to our request that she give Brenna a little extra breathing room. Other times, she’s completely irrational, and there’s a layer of grandiosity there that we haven’t seen in awhile. She also has a new anxiety related to her food allergies - no matter where the food is from, whether I’ve made it or it comes from a restaurant, she’s gotten into a checking rut with me. “This doesn’t have nuts, right? Are you sure it doesn’t have nuts? No nuts, of any kind, anywhere? It’s completely safe, right?” Some of this is understandable - between the upheaval of Brenna back permanently, the loss of her friends, and her impending birthday, there’s a lot for her brain to chew on. I am getting more nervous as we near her birthday. Once it hits July 1, we are in for three weeks of anxious anticipation, and I have absolutely no idea what she’ll do for her day this year. She doesn’t really have a friend to share her day with, and I’m pretty sure that fact will come up a lot over the next few weeks. The whole thought of it is creating my own little anxiety ball, but I’m going to do my best to roll with it.
All in all, I think it’s better than I imagined it could be at this point in our lives. I see some storm clouds on the horizon, but I’m hoping with everything I have that they are just that - a few clouds, no downpours on the way. I’m going to keep my umbrella handy just in case.
I am glad things are somewhat (cough) stable (cough). I will exhale, but my fingers will remain crossed for the time being! Take care-- hope you're feeling better.
Tell Ailish I think she's being completely reasonable on the food-allergy front! Can she be in charge of looking up answers for herself on an allergy site, or would that cause more brain-churning? I had a lovely week myself with a reaction to a generic medication!
Gentle hugs,
Lisa M.
Posted by: Lisa M | June 29, 2009 at 12:56 AM